Denial of a feeling doesn’t dissolve it

Emotions silently shape our perceptions, memories and thoughts; and are the motivating force behind our today’s actions and tomorrow’s behavior. They get such a high importance in our awareness that the non-emotional events find it virtually impossible to displace emotionally-charged ones from the mind-shelf. All this, and still our feelings do not get the respect they deserve in our interpersonal settings.

In comparison to intellect, they are still looked down upon. We all know that when it comes to shaping our decisions and our actions, feelings count as much as – and often more than – thought. And still, they seem to be things that happen to us beyond our will. That’s why they are considered as whims and are often branded as ‘unreasonable’. However, nothing can be farther from truth.

The fact is that feelings have their own reasoning. Well, before we discuss it in some details, watch this video to get the gist of what we are saying, why it is important, and how it has relevance in terms of both personal relationships as well as at workplace…



Well, as you saw in the video, “That’s not the right feeling to have…” is what the husband said to his wife. What he didn’t realize is that there is a high probability that the sentence will be translated in his wife’s mind as “She doesn’t have right to have that feeling”. Yes, the denial of that feeling and asking his wife to not entertain such thoughts will be a convenient ‘temporary solution’, with long-term hazards.

The reason is rooted in neuroscience. If we look at our brain, we will find that our emotional centers are immensely strong, impulsive, and are deeply installed. That’s why even if you are able to regulate manifestation of a person’s feelings, you can’t curb or control the generation of those feelings. Their generation stops only when intelligence centers of that very person’s brain reappraise the situations. That’s why neglecting, ignoring or negating someone’s feelings is just a temporary solution that makes the problem permanent.

And contrary to popular belief there is a reason behind every feeling. That reason may not seem logical or acceptable but it surely is there. If you criticize or brush-off feelings of someone close to you then the generation of those feelings inside that person won’t stop; rather it may only increase further, on the contrary, the person will become more distant, depressed or even manipulative. Precisely that’s why ‘social & emotional intelligence’ is so important in today’s world.

Only a detailed knowledge of ‘structure and functioning of human brain’ combined with psychological concepts can help you develop this science of managing self and connecting with others – a science that can be learnt, practiced and mastered. However, it all begins with some important realizations like…‘Denial of a feeling doesn’t dissolve it’.


Dr. Sandeep Atre

‘Emotional & Social Intelligence’ Expert

Founder – Socialigence

Note: Socialigence ( offers self-paced video-based online course on ‘Social & Emotional Intelligence’ with content that has relevance across the globe, and delivery specifically customized according to the work-scenarios in India.